Bereaved Parent Support – Fathers

Fathers

I’ve met lots of fathers in my life but 2 have made a very big impact in my life.

My own father and my husband; Kenneth’s father.

I am so lucky to have my Dad. I have so many great memories of things we did together when I was a little girl. I was for sure a Daddy’s girl. I always took my Dad’s side for everything. I was quite sure he walked on water. I still think he might be able to 😉 There wasn’t anything my Dad wouldn’t do then and now for his daughters. Imagine my Dad only being 45 years old when my Mom passed away leaving him with a 21-year-old daughter (me) and an 8-year-old daughter (my sister). Not easy for a very manly man. My Dad is so selfless. He worked hard and he put his life on hold for my sister after my Mom passed away. The last thing he was interested in was meeting someone else. For him it was all about his little girl that he had to raise. She was his world. We both still are. My Dad and I had a lot of kinks to work out after my Mom passed away, left over kinks from my rebellious teen-aged years and also dealing with the grieving daughter that I was. We made it through all of the storms and are best friends today. My Dad was a huge support during my pregnancy when I became high-risk. He was there at the hospital when I went into labour and he was waiting in the hospital when Kenneth was born. Once Anthony went back to work after Kenneth was born my Dad took me to the hospital each and every day. He was there every morning for rounds to listen and support me. He loved his grandson so much and it meant so much to me. Not only is my Dad a wonderful father but he’s a wonderful grandfather. I feel so sad that he was robbed of the future with his grandson. My Dad would come up at night to see how Kenneth was even after he had already been there in the morning and afternoon. He was there when Kenneth was at his sickest and he was there when Kenneth passed away. Every step of the way my Dad was there for us and for Kenneth. My Dad still has a hard time not being a grandfather. He doesn’t express it like I do or like Anthony does. He’s old school and he holds it in but it hurts him that Kenneth isn’t here. It hurts him to see other children that look to be Kenneth’s age. My Dad is so wonderful understanding that Father’s Day has to have a balance with Anthony not having Kenneth here. As I mentioned before, my Dad is the first person to say don’t worry about the day. Always putting his feelings aside for me/us. I don’t know what I would do without my Dad. I am so thankful for him and I would give him the world if I could.

I am so lucky to have chosen my husband to be the father of my children. It’s one thing to have your own Dad but to watch the man you choose to spend your life with become a father is quite something. I will always remember Anthony in the OR room waiting for Kenneth to be born and I will always remember his face when Kenneth was brought into the world. It was the happiest moment of his life. My heart breaks writing this because I wish so badly that Anthony had Kenneth for Father’s Day. I don’t know of any other person in this world that is more deserving to have a little boy or little girl call out “Daddy” and have my husband be the one they’re calling out to. To say that Anthony is a dedicated family man is an understatement. Family is everything to Anthony. Kenneth was and is everything to Anthony. I am willing to bet that if you asked him what has been the best part of his life he’d say having his son. Watching his son. Actually I am willing to bet that if you asked him his favourite memory of Kenneth it would be changing his diapers. Anthony changed Kenneth’s diapers in the NICU and he looked so forward to it. That was the highlight of his day. It’s as close as he got to holding his beloved little boy and I know he cherishes those memories. The love that Anthony carries for Kenneth is so intense and so deep. I am so lucky that Kenneth had/has Anthony for his Daddy. I could go on and on about Anthony and how wonderful he is as a father but I’m starting to get a little emotional as I’m writing. I’m also thinking that I should keep some memories private as I haven’t even told him I was writing this blog. Kenneth is the luckiest little boy to have Anthony for his Daddy and I wish that I could make all of Anthony’s wishes and dreams come true.

This week has been a stressful and somewhat hurtful one but as I drove my husband to the Skytrain for work we listened on the radio to all of the Father’s Day commercials and talk about the day. As we parted ways I could see Anthony’s face dropped a little and he looked sad as I pulled away. I felt so bad. He didn’t have to tell me I could just see it and sense it. I decided right there that any drama and stress that I had endured through the week was going to have to wait. Anthony’s heart means too much for me. I will have something special planned for Father’s Day for him. I have already asked my Dad if he minds and he said right away that no he doesn’t mind, look after Anthony first. So that’s what I’ll do. He deserves it. He deserves to have his little boy here. Kenneth should be here for his Grandfather and Daddy. I’ll make the most of it for both of them. They are worth every second of thought and every ounce of my heart.

I wish all Father’s out there a Happy Father’s Day. But I wish my Dad and my husband a gentle and Happy Father’s Day the most.

Fathers … I’m so lucky to know the 2 best.

Tiffani

nicubereavement@yahoo.com